Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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