Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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