I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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