So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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