So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize