Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
