i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Drake has all the answers
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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