My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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