one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
