Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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