Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
