Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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