Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She bit a glass in half.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
