i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We have so much sex to catch up on
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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