So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
