Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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