During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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