Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
