I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
