I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
