Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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