why didn't you poke me back
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
