Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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