I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
