rhymes with "ouble enetration"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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