sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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