I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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