Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
