god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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