Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
