atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
