I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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