thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
