you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
