just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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