So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
