thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
