I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
