I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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