Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Your penis caused this!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
