dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
