i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
