the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
