operation harelip BJ is a go
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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