There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
