i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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