Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
