she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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