just tell him i said nine months
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
