last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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