apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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