So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
