3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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