i already hear my dad disowning me
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize