I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
