I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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