You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
