There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
