I think im going to throw up on grandma
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize