I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
All I want is dick and wine.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
