So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
