there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Then you guys just all showered together...?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
