is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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