The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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