What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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