I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
