last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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